


A Very 'vengers Valentine

by sc010f



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, Prank Wars, Valentine's Day Fluff, the Tower is basically a frat house
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 20:04:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3353594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sc010f/pseuds/sc010f
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Valentine's Day is for hearts and flowers and sparkly things. Clint's version of this is a bit more violent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very 'vengers Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Clint sleeping with his eyes open just to scare Tony comes from Tumblr. This was meant to be fluffy and sexy. It turned out to be chaos. I am so sorry.

Clint is very good at not being noticed, in his line of work it's a good skill to have. Tony hates it, though, when he comes up from his shop at shit-o'clock in the morning and misses Clint crouched on the kitchen island waiting for him.

Stark Industries has sent Clint several bills for broken coffee mugs and pots over the last few years. None of them have been paid. Clint continues punk Tony and it's never so bad as when Phil is out of town or dealing with S.H.I.E.L.D related nonsense. Tony appreciates Phil more now, if only because he tends to keep a lid on Clint's more disruptive tendencies by keeping Clint in their apartment having athletic and creative sex. 

Valentine's Day is particularly bad because Clint is all about the hearts and flowers and declarations of love. It's just that Clint's declarations of affection tend towards the surprise attack and the prank war. Not that Tony's opposed to a prank war, Steve and Bucky are especially satisfying to punk, but Clint is a master. 

Natasha just smirks at Tony. She's the Queen of the prank wars (and long may she reign): not even Clint can get the drop on her. As a result, she gets to choose whether or not she participates and Natasha does not participate in Valentine's Day related shenanigans. 

Thor appears at breakfast with a light dusting of red and pink glitter on his mighty locks and pink puffy heart stickers all over Mjolnir. 

"I do not know how it happened," he declares. "After last year, I swore to stay vigilant and prevent Clint from decorating me thus." He shakes his head and glitter wafts down into the coffee. 

Bucky has Hello Kitty barrettes in his hair and a murderous expression on his face. Steve finds his shield repurposed to be a candy bowl filled with hearts with dirty slogans on them.

"Impressive," remarks Bruce. "How did Clint manage to avoid waking you two up?"

Steve looks up from reading the hearts, his face flaming. 

"I… I really do not know," he says. "The shield was right by my head."

"It's hard to cuddle a shield and a psycho," Tony chips in and Bucky delivers him a whack to the back of the head, sending him into his oatmeal. 

"Boys," Natasha says.

"Has he gotten to you yet?" Bucky asks. 

"He wouldn't dare," replies Natasha, opening the door to the refrigerator.   
Last year, Clint had booby trapped the coffee maker. This year, he'd done the refrigerator. Several things happen at once:

Streamers of pink and purple and white spew over the kitchen and chocolate ricochets off the light fixtures with a melodious twang. Natasha swears and dives for cover, but not before getting a face full of rose petals, Bucky and Steve spring out of the way as Bruce Hulks out in the middle of breakfast. Tony, who had just managed to get the oatmeal out of his eyes, falls back into the shield sending hearts flying. 

Hulk snorts and sneezes, Hulk snot and rose petals smack onto the cabinets and stick and he looks around dazedly. 

"ITCHES," he says, scratching at his butt where, instead of the usual Hulk pants, are sparkly purple speedos. 

Tony wishes desperately for an eyeful of oatmeal again. 

\--

Far from the chaos of Valentine's Day morning, Phil and Clint are curled up in bed, watching the carnage on a monitor thanks to JARVIS. Phil has several bruises sucked into his chest (courtesy of Clint) and really would rather be nowhere else. 

"Best Valentine's Day ever," Clint mumbles, nuzzling at Phil.


End file.
